A marriage is more than friendship and love. It is a partnership. Thus, finances are communal. Yet arguments and disagreements relating to finances can destroy trust, loyalty and even the marriage itself. I will never forget a sad statement utter by my friend Vikki. I invited her to come with me on a shopping excursion and she declined. When I asked her why, she said that she does not like to go shopping and buy nothing. I was puzzled and asked her to explain her statement. What she said made my jaw drop. Vikki said that since she is a stay at home mom and has no earnings of her own, she is uncomfortable spending her husband’s money. I could not believe my ears and reminded her that a marriage is a partnership and finances belong to both husband and wife. The most important financial related responsibilities in marriage are to provide food, clothing, shelter, education and security for the family. For a marriage to succeed financially, planning for them must be a joint effort, no matter whether the finances result from one or two incomes.
We are all human and no one is perfect. Every marriage includes two individuals with their unique personality traits, some wonderful and some faulty. Yes! We all have our faults. So how do we handle the faulty traits yet love, respect and be thankful for having our spouse?
Rather than criticize, we do our utmost to understand each other and turn the faults into positives.
Let us say that others think of your spouse as touchy. Why not describe him or her as sensitive?
How about turning the tables from a manipulative person to a person who is very resourceful with many creative ideas?
Have you got a fussy spouse? Or is he or she simply very organized and efficient?
Your spouse is not messy. He or she simple is very creative and creative people work best when they are not restricted.
Here again, you know your spouse better than anyone else. Get creative. Talking about personality traits raises the question of disagreements. Since each of us is an individual, we each have our points of view and ideas that may differ and even contradict our spouse’s. This may cause disagreements and even fights. Anger and resentment may build and affect the relationship. Should you allow it? Absolutely not!
Act maturely about disagreements and do not let them escalate and become actual fights. Ask our sons who are in their forties, and they will tell you that they can not recall us ever fighting, exchanging harsh words or raising our voices. This is because we never allowed a disagreement to become more than an argument. And we settled our arguments over a cup of coffee. It is crucial that you resolve your misunderstandings and arguments and kiss and make up before you go to bed.
NEVER go to sleep angry at one another.
ALWAYS kiss and say “I love you” before you go to sleep.
Some individuals do not mind showing affection in public, while others are reserved. Yet we all like and need to be reassured that we are loved. Small gestures of love even as small as an unexpected touch, kiss or even a pat on the head can make us tingle and give us butterflies. Think about how you’d feel when you are watching TV or are at your computer and your spouse plants a kiss on the back of your neck or passes a loving hand on your head or back and leaves the room. That is right! He or she came into the room just to touch you with love. So, how do you feel about it?
ALWAYS STAND BY YOUR MAN – WOMAN
If not for my husband’s encouragement, patience, understanding and support, I would never have written this article because I would not have become involved with weddings and personal relationships. The books I have written and published, Candles By Nily and A-wedding Day would not have been born if not for his love and caring, interest and actual devotion to seeing me happy. Though my husband may not see it this way, he made many sacrifices to allow me to pursue my dreams. I am and always will be grateful to him. Many couples do and will, and we too encountered rough spots throughout our marriage. Some such as a lengthy period of unemployment could have caused us to separate yet, because of our deep love and devotion to one another, brought us closer together. We stood by each other just as we vowed “for better and for worse” and nurtured each other knowing that “this too shall pass” and that we shall stay together and thrive. We are not angels and each of us made some mistakes along the way. We could have gotten upset and angry with the other. However, we took the route of rationalization. Our usual reaction has been that we learned an important lesson, it cost us less than college tuition and we can chuck it to experience and go on with life. As the author of this article, I concentrated on my husband and what he did to strengthen our marriage, as I did not find it appropriate to toot my own horn.
Copyright © All Rights Reserved to Nily Glaser 2013
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