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 May 19, 1998, two very bored people named Nikki Snyder & Ryan Dettmar logged onto a chat program called IRC that evening. Ryan had literally just finished setting up the computer in the apartment he shared with his brother, Nikki realized it had been a while since she had last logged on and decided to see if anyone she knew was online. They both ended up in a local Seattle area that (supposedly) was dedicated to the Gothic community that Ryan was already a part of and Nikki wished to get more involved with. There were few people on that night, so Nikki & Ryan started yapping. Ryan very soon started off with the most obnoxious statement one can make online, 'are you m or f?' (he claims he did that precisely to be obnoxious), and instead of whining about how annoying that question is, Nikki did a new thing... refused to answer one way or the other and just kept talking. When Nikki logged off, Ryan asked her to email him. Back then, Nikki would rarely email anyone she didn't already know in real life or already emailing for years... but for reasons she still can't explain, drkame wanted to get to know this Solitude guy better. We emailed each other constantly.. and for some time Nikki never said one way or the other what her gender or even her name was. We griped about work, talked about our families & friends and what our interests were, and eventually Nikki said who she was and we wrote even more about our birthdays being so close together (May 14th & 17th) and how cool it is to be a Taurus. Eventually, Ryan convinced Nikki to come to an 80's party that his friend was holding in his apartment building. Nikki already knew several of her friends would be there, but wouldn't tell them who this guy was who convinced her to come to the party because she wanted to make her own first impression. May 30th came, and Ryan's first view of Nikki was of her back as she was unloading her infamous party cupcakes on the kitchen counter. She turned to face him, and her first thought was that he was so tall & had naturally black hair (a big plus!) |
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We both were rather shy, and also surrounded by people, yet we managed to talk a lot & got up for air at the same moment several times. We hugged goodbye when we parted that night, kept emailing... and started going out. After a few more dates, we went to a Puget Sound beach called Carkeek Park, Nikki turned to look at Ryan walking towards her & that was the moment she fell in love and knew it would be eternal. Part of a poem (definitely not the sad part!) by Rupert Brooke captures the feeling.... One Day 'Today I have been happy. All the day I held the memory of you, and wove Its laughter with the dancing light o' the spray And sowed the sky with tiny seeds of love...' On December 24, 1998, we chose to celebrate Christmas Eve alone in our apartment to have a moment's peace and quiet. We had gone to Toys R Us earlier to return something, I think it was a Sega or some sort of game station. While I went to the store, Ryan said he had some last minute shopping to do and went off into the rest of the mall and returned a short time later. He was acting kind of weird, nervous perhaps, but I blew it off as perhaps him not knowing how I'd be on this day, which happened to be the one month anniversary of my grandmother's unexpected death. We carried on, going to pick up take out Chinese food in my family's tradition for dinner that night, then came home. We unwrapped presents by the fire with candlelight, and I was so proud of myself for giving a personalized brick in the Mariner's new stadium with After we were (I thought!) done unwrapping presents, Ryan mentioned that I had forgotten one under the little tree. I insisted that I hadn't, that I'd opened everything. He told me to go check, and sure enough there was a little silver paper-wrapped package sitting there that I hadn't noticed before! I tore open the paper and noticed it was from a jewelry store. "Oh, this must be a pair of earrings, how cool!", I thought to myself as I opened the outer box... then my heart skipped several beats as I opened the inner box to find a beautiful diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds and what appeared to be (and are) emeralds... our shared birthstone. I looked over to Ryan, who was kneeling there in front of the fireside. "This isn't, oh this couldn't be... oh my God.." was racing through my mind... and he simply said My mind quickly changed to, "it is... oh it IS... oh my God!!" and I joyfully exclaimed YES and he put the ring on my finger and we hugged and I cried and I don't quite remember if I kept saying 'YES' out loud or if it was only in my mind or perhaps both.... but every time I look down at my left hand I still echo that refrain.  One of the best things we did during our engagement was to spend plenty of time preparing for the most important part... a lifetime of being together in a marriage. We attended a 7 week marriage preparation class through University Presbyterian Church where we spent an evening at a mentor couple's house with 3 other engaged couples and discussed a variety of issues while working individually on our personal matters. The most helpful tool we received during our entire engagement is this Marriage Expectation Survey , which was helpful both then and now as we work on our relationship. Please feel free to take a copy for yourselves, and if you have any problems downloading we would be happy to email you one. Ryan, being the total sweetheart he is, has written a wedding page on his site too. I love this man so very much =)
Then comes marriage... 
Permission for publication on A-Wedding Day, given by Nikki Dettmar May 2000, copyright © Nikki Dettmar , 2000, All rights reserved Read "A Victorian Touch For A New Millenium" by Nikki Email Nikki |
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